


Open Your Eyes

by AWalkingParadox



Series: You Will Be Found [2]
Category: Hamilton - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hosptital waiting, Jefferson isn’t such a jerk, mentions if self harm and suicide, punching Monroe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 06:47:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12765402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWalkingParadox/pseuds/AWalkingParadox
Summary: The worst part, is they both felt the same way. Like they were abandoning their friend. They wanted to stay. They wanted to be there.They wanted to be the best friends they should have been.





	Open Your Eyes

“I can’t believe he did that.” Eliza whispered softly, hugging her knees. The hustle and bustle of the hospital was filled in her ears, like from another world.  
“I thought he was getting better.” John shook his head softly.   
“You knew about this?” Angelica frowned, eyes wet. “You didn’t bother telling us?”  
“Alex made us promise not to say.” Lafayette said, looking sick. “He promised he would get better.”  
“He attempted to....k-kill himself before?” Eliza’s eyes widened.   
“No. But he used to cut himself, especially during the night. We didn’t know until one night, he cut too deep and had to be hospitalised.” Hercules clenched his fist. “There was so much blood.”  
Eliza choked back a sob. “I-I need to go.” She stood, stumbling. Biting her lip, she ran out. Angelica looked at the three boys, “Call me if he wakes.” and followed her sister.  
Lafayette sighed, leaning against the wall, running a hand through his hair. “I really thought he was getting better. We didn’t see the signs. How could we not notice?”  
“That’s Alex, invisible when he wants to be.” John laughed bitterly. “He had us all fooled.”  
“I spoke to him, that day. That last thing I said to him ‘how do you write like you’re running out of time?’” Hercules sniffed. “I guess he was.”  
“Was it all a lie?” John asked quietly. “Everything he told us, was it a lie?”  
“No.” Lafayette shook his head. “He cared for us, as we did for him. His loss was just weighing too heavily on his shoulders.”  
They sat in silence, John on the edge, looking ready to jump up the moment a doctor passes by. Lafayette and Hercules were on the floor, still holding their school bags.  
_They didn’t know._  
They had received a call that Alex had slit his wrists, and after a few seconds of blind panic, they all hopped in Hercules’s truck and sped their way to the hospital. Speed limits be damned.  
Eliza was already there, wringing her hands, and Angelica arriving a few minutes later. They had all sat in collective silence, as reality came crashing down on them.  
Now, the three of them were waiting outside the emergency room, tension so think you could cut it with a knife.  
“I came as soon as I heard.” Burr ran in, followed by a panting Madison. “What happened?”  
John relayed in monotone the events that lead them to this moment.   
Silence fell once again. “Is he....?” Madison asked, hope barely a spark in his eyes.  
“We don’t know.” Hercules shook his head. “We’ve been waiting for more than 5 hours.”  
“Who brought him here?” Burr asked, his face unreadable, the only indication of his emotions were his shaking hands.   
“We don’t know either.” John shrugged.   
Madison sat down next to John, shoulders sagging. “I read the note he had left. Someone placed it on my bed when I came back to my dorm.” John noticed that he was crying.   
“Do you have it? Can we see it?” Lafayette asked, almost pleading. He wanted to know....  
 _Why._  
Madison nodded mutely, reaching his pocket and handing it to Lafayette. Lafayette and Hercules’s eyes scanned over the handwriting, hands shaking. Lafayette muffled a sob, looking away, and Hercules, eyes wet, handed the note to John.  
John read it quickly, eyes flashing. He stood and punched the wall, ignoring the others’ shouts to stop. Clutching he bleeding hand, he sat back down, gritting his teeth and tears dripping down his face.   
“That son of a gun.” He whispered with a choked laugh.   
Hercules wordlessly handed him a piece of cloth, which he tied around his hand. Burr sat on the floor , close to John, checking over the wound and talking in hushed voices.   
For what seemed like forever, they waited. Maria had also stopped by, but could only stay a few minutes before being called away by Reynolds. Everyone looked away from the bruises on her arm, vowing to find a way to help her.  
Somewhat later, they had either fallen asleep, or fell in some sort of sleepy daze.   
Finally, a doctor approaches them, waking them all from their stupor.  
John jumped, grabbing the doctor by the collar. “How is he?” He tried to ignore the blood on the doctor’s gloves. “Is he alive? Did he make it? Is he okay?”  
The others had also crowded around the doctor, hope flickering like a candle about to go out, so small but still there.  
“He’s not yet out of the woods....” The doctor—David Hosack , was it?—said carefully, “but we were able to stabilise him before he lost too much blood.”  
A collective sigh rang around the room. _Alex was alive._  
“Can we see him?” Lafayette asked.  
“I’m afraid not now.” Dr. Hosack shook his head. “But I’ll update you on any news, for now he is in the ICU. He might now wake for a few days, but you may see him tomorrow. Two at a time.”  
“Thank you.” John released the doctor’s coat sheepishly, eyes brimmed with gratitude.  
“I suggest you get some rest.” He looked at them. “All of you.”  
“We can’t leave him.” Hercules shook his head.  
“Not like this.” Burr added. “Not when he needs his friends.”  
“You’ll do no good passing out from exhaustion. Go home, get some sleep, I’ll call you if anything changes.  
“We’ll try.” Lafayette said tiredly. This was obviously a lie.  
With a solemn nod, the doctor walked away, presumably to another patient.  
It was now way past midnight, and even if they deny, you could see all them were yawning and rubbing their eyes.  
“The doctor is right. We have to go home. We’ll be of no use to Alex if we pass out.” Lafayette said quietly.  
Madison nodded. “Keep the letter.” He gestured to the abandoned not on the chair. “I’ll see y’all tomorrow. I don’t think anyone would be able to sleep.” He smile dryly. He walked out the room, emotions whirling like a hurricane.  
John shook his head. “No. I’m not leaving. You can go ahead.”  
In the end, Lafayette and Hercules had to drag John home, kicking and screaming.  
The worst part, is they both felt the same way. Like they were abandoning their friend. They wanted to stay. They wanted to be there.   
They wanted to be the best friends they should have been.

-•-  
They didn’t sleep that night. None of them did.   
“Where’s John?” Burr rubbed his eyes, sitting at their table, holding a cup of coffee.   
“In the hospital.” Lafayette said tiredly.   
“He ran there as soon as we woke up.” Hercules added.   
Burr nodded. “Angelica says Eliza won’t leave her dorm. Peggy as well. Angelica is skipping classes today to stay with both of them in Eliza’s room.”  
Hercules shook his head sadly. “All we can do is wait.”  
“I don’t want to be here. I want to be with John at the hospital. I can’t go on as if nothing had happened.” Lafayette whispered, hugging himself.   
“I know.” Hercules sighed softly. “We all do.”  
“Hey.” Madison walked by, followed by a Thomas Jefferson. “How are you all?” He asked softly.  
“Like crap.” Hercules answered, looking at Lafayette in concern. He was staring off into the distance, plate untouched, repaying the French phrase Alex had written in the note over and over again.  
Thomas had also noticed. “Hey.” He whispered, kneeling in front of him, whispering some hushed French words.  
Lafayette nodded and Thomas put an arm on his shoulder gently helping him up. “We’ll be back, alright?” And led him out the cafeteria.  
Hercules stares at his plate, playing around with his food, having no appetite. “Where did we go wrong?” He looked away, ignorant of the other two’s faces. “We tried to help him. We tried to assure him that he wasn’t alone. Why would he do this?”   
“No matter how many friends one has, it isn’t hard to feel alone.” Burr said softly. “Everything just was too painful. There are too many losses, he just wanted to be free from it all.”  
“I guess he thought it was a way out.” Madison sighed softly. “Believe me, he cherished life, he didn’t want to die. He just wanted to be free from the pain. And in his eyes, I guess the only way he could see was to kill himself.”  
_How do you both know so much?_  
Hercules wanted to say. Instead, he nods mutely.   
“He didn’t want to leave you all, trust me on that.” Thomas had reappeared, followed by Lafayette.   
Lafayette was crying, tears where streaming down his face, but there was once again light in his eyes. He didn’t look happy, but he looked alive.  
“He’s very protective of you all.” Thomas shook his head, smiling sadly. “Cared about you more than anything else. You were his family.”

-•-

School was hell. So many strangers offering their condolences, as if he was already _gone._  
Hercules has snapped and landed Monroe in the clinic when he had remarked that “the bastard finally offed himself.” The teachers turned blind eye.  
Thomas himself was more subdued, keeping quiet and taking notes dutifully. He fought with more passion during debates, as if to say,   
_This is for Hamilton._  
They had immediately visited him after school, as soon as the teacher said “dismissed.”  
Lafayette went in first, gazing to John who was fast asleep on a chair next to Alex.  
_Alex._  
Lafayette stumbles back, tears threatening to spill down.   
_So much machines._  
Alex looked so pale, so _dead._  
He stood in silence, emotions swirling in his chest.   
“Oh Alex.” He says softly, careful not wake John. “What have you _done_?”  
He knelt beside the bed, clutching his friend’s hand for at least ten minutes before he walked out, nodding at Hercules and letting him now it was his turn.  
Lafayette didn’t know what happened inside, but Hercules has walked out shaking, refusing to look at Lafayette.  
He made sure not to stare.  
They left John there, knowing no one can change his mind.   
And they continued with life. They didn’t move on, they didn’t forget. They lived. For Alex. They stayed strong.   
-•-  
It was 2am in the morning when Hercules woke to his phone ringing.  
He groggily answered it, becoming more awake when he saw it was from John.  
“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” He asked quickly, mentally running worst case scenarios in his head.  
“It’s alright.” John said, in a tone he couldn’t identify.  
“Then what is it?” Hercules asked, calming down, staring at the Lafayette standing at the doorway, a questioning look on his face.  
John laughed, joy mixed with pain and sorrow. Releasing all the emotions he had pent up.  
“He’s awake.”

**Author's Note:**

> So I don’t know much about these things. Feel free to correct me. Or scream. Or anything, I am a very agreeable person.


End file.
